A Personal Challenge
In my experience, resting in and as the Self provides a stable and dependable foundation for dealing with the many challenges of life. There is an equilibrium and steadiness in the mind and emotions that generally remains intact in spite of circumstances. Until recently that is. I have grappled with an ongoing health issue for many years and it lately escalated critically and left me (thankfully only temporarily) unable to care for myself. The usual mental and emotional equanimity was nowhere to be found and I rapidly descended into self-pity, fear and depression. My mind was travelling into some very dark places and I felt powerless to stop it.
When the crisis passed, I realized I had work to do. Along with taking good practical care of my body, I knew I had to come to a new understanding of how to deal with ill (and potentially declining) health. What would that new understanding look like?
I realize that as long as I resist and insist that things be other than what they are I will be in a state of inner conflict and turmoil. Can I face and accept the limitations of the body and the discomfort and challenge of the accompanying thoughts and feelings of fear and loss? The depression and self-pity are likely to resurface if there is another crisis – what then will my relationship to them be? In the maelstrom that occurs during periods of ill-health will I remember who I am at the core of my being? Will I be able to rest in my own Self while the storm rages, physically, emotionally, mentally? Can I continue to trust that all is well even when I'm not well? I don't know. I will have to find out …