When I ask the question: 'What is aware of this question?' Thoughts stop, and there is Peace & Clarity. As I put the attention on the Peace, it feels like Wholeness & like coming Home, sort of. But then the mind says 'if your attention is on the Peace & Clarity then you must be prior to it because you are observing it'. And so I start worrying if I am doing it incorrectly. I realize that the "I" that worries is a thought and not The Self. Would still appreciate some clarity regarding this. A.S
Your question is excellent and you already have a very sophisticated understanding. You say: 'When I ask the question: 'What is aware of this question?' you become aware of awareness itself, and the result or by-product is Peace and Clarity. Peace and Clarity are a by-product or consequence of awareness being aware of itself. You are absolutely correct, they are objects in awareness and you, awareness, is prior. You, awareness, is the subject. It's tempting as you have discovered to identify with Peace and Clarity but they are not the Self. They are what is revealed naturally as a consequence of one's attention or awareness resting in awareness itself.
Thank you, Anne for the answer which is very clarifying. May I ask another question? There is still a subtle duality between Awareness and its objects. For example, between Awareness and thinking, feeling, sensing, etc. I know that there is nowhere Awareness ends and sensing begins, but there is still some sense of duality. I do not feel that I am One with The Universe. I realize that the "I" that says this is of course another thought, and not The Self. I just have these subtle fears of not embracing everyone. I want to love everyone and see The Self in and as All. I want there to be no sense of separation at all between "me", everyone and everything. Basically, that all is God/Self/Awareness, and Love flowing through this body/mind to everyone without distinctions being made. I know it is not The Self that makes distinctions, and loves some more than "others". I really want to love like God does by being God, consciously. Some people do not resonate with the word "God" - I really do.
Someone might say that the "I" that says "I want to love like God does by being God, consciously" is just a thought, but it feels more like a genuine desire that springs from the heart. It feels like the desire itself is coming from God. It feels pure and like an expansion in my chest.
I also see that there really was no question in what I wrote, but perhaps you can get the feel of it any way. I also understand and see that Awareness is still identifying with objects during the day a lot. So perhaps, all "I" need to "do" is to be aware of being aware and forget about the rest and let it all unfold of itself? A.S
I have no doubt that your longing to love as God loves is a true and pure spiritual yearning. That yearning is not separate or other than God/Self. It is not up to us when or if we will ever love as God loves, but the longing itself is sacred and God-given. You can rest in and be nourished by that.
You are imposing many things on yourself unnecessarily – that you should feel One with the Universe; that there should be no sense of separation and so on. Again, these things are not in our control. We cannot will them into existence. Like Peace and Clarity, they are consequences or by-products of abiding in and as the Self. There's no need to be concerned if you are identifying with objects. You can let go of all these ideas of how it should be and how you should be. You already have the most important key in your hands, and you have already given yourself the answer from your own direct knowing:
'So perhaps, all 'I' need to 'do' is to be aware of being aware and forget about the rest and let it all unfold of itself?'
Yes, exactly.The 'Way' is pure simplicity. Stay with that. Don't allow the doubting mind to muddy the waters and create confusion for you.
One more question just so that the thinking mind can't create another story. So, when I ask the question,"what is aware of this question?" Instantly clarity, peace and wholeness is seen. The mind has created a story that BECAUSE I am nothing objective, and there is no trace of objectivity in The Self, I shouldn't put the attention on The Peace. But rather be in some idea of "void" - but from what I understand and intuit, and from what you've said, this is what I am feeling: When asking the question, I "become" aware of being aware, but because I am no object, I can't put my attention on "myself", but rather I am myself, and by being myself knowingly, my "perfume" of peace & clarity is revealed. I can't put attention on myself because I am myself already, so when I put my attention on myself, so to speak, what I really am "doing" is to be myself and looking FROM myself and what I see looking FROM myself is The Peace & Clarity, naturally Is this correct? A.S
Beautifully put! Great clarity from your own direct experience.
But basically what the mind has been saying is "this peace & clarity is not valid because The Self is not an object and peace & clarity is perceived so it can't be The Self" Which is true, but also not true when it comes from the doubting mind and used as an excuse to not "stay" with The Peace. Do you see what I mean?
These thoughts make me restless when I believe in them and feels like I am betraying myself, and turning my back on myself. Which is a story too, but that's how it feels.
It's funny, when I am aware of being aware, and really sink into it, it is so obvious and clear, but afterwards when I wake up the next day, these stories come up & I start believing I have "lost" something. Which is a thought of course and cannot be true because I am aware of these thoughts.
As I read what I wrote, I can see that there is a sense of being "someone" who is aware of being aware sometimes, and sometimes not, and feels like "he" lost it. These are only thoughts, and it is not I. The funny thing is that when really aware of being aware, this "someone" is not really present. And if it appears it is clearly seen to only be a thought passing. A.S
You know a lot about this subject intellectually and sometimes that knowledge interferes with or overshadows your DIRECT knowing experience. Your direct knowing experience is your 'Way'. Nothing else really matters: ideas about the void or whether peace is valid and so on are red herrings.
Here is more of your direct knowing experience:
'When I am aware of being aware, and really sink into it, it is so obvious and clear'.
By contrast here is the compexifying, doubting mind throwing up obstacles to your direct knowing experience:
'So basically what the mind has been saying is "this peace & clarity is not valid because The Self is not an object and peace & clarity is perceived so it can't be The Self." Which is true, but also not true when it comes from the doubting mind and used as an excuse to not "stay" with The Peace'.
Can you see and feel the stark difference? You are accustomed to giving equal weight and importance to your own direct knowing experience and to the thoughts that appear in your mind. Instead of questioning your own direct knowing experience, start questioning the validity of the thoughts. Really investigate. You are travelling into unknown waters beyond the mind with your investigation into the Self, and the mind will do everything it can to pull you back. Thoughts are just thoughts. Some are true and useful. Many are not. Your own direct knowing experience is the only real truth you have. Not your mind. Learn to discriminate between the two.
This clears up so much and simplifies everything down to ONE thing. Direct Experience. You don't point to yourself. You point back to Me! Thank-you. A.S
I'm happy if I have been of assistance.